The Deadpool Show
by Scam Man
Summary: It's got RWBY, Marvel characters and of course, Deadpool. Does there need to be a more intricate summary or what!
1. Chapter 1

**DEADPOOL BITCHES!**

"_**Since Scam Man is too lazy, imagine or open a window to YouTube and play the 1990's X-Men TAS opening. That's how we'll start this fucking thing people okay"!**_

** On a stage inside a large studio in an undisclosed location, Deadpool steps out from behind a large red curtain wearing a tuxedo over his usual attire. He did however attach his swords to his back over the tuxedo for some reason.**

** "Hello devoted fan base, Deadpool here to welcome you to the first chapter of my own spin-off series in the RWBY/Marvelverse," said the red clad vigilante. "And before we get started allow me to say; shit, shit, fuck, fuck, shit, fuck, fuck, Goddamn, shit, annnnnd FUCK! For those of you clueless right about now, those are all the words that were censored in the RWBY Spider 2's fifth chapter, but thank fucking Christ for this M rating! And for those of you have read that, then shame on you! But then again, if you **_**only**_** read it for my part, then I forgive you."**

** "Now let's start this shit off with some bad news; this chapter won't be as long as the others," Deadpool pushes a button and a neon sign lighted up with "AAAAAAAAH" for the studio audience to repeat. "Yeah, yeah I know it sucks dicks but what did you expect? It's an **_**introductory **_**chapter; it's not supposed to be too long otherwise the reader, you, will get bored. No, this chapter is meant to explain the meaning behind this story in general."**

** "Whenever Scam Man finishes a story arc of each of his current projects, he'll post one of my chapters sometime afterwards. My job is to provide what I've been doing since 1991 to comic book readers, zombies of the television, internet trolls, and epic fail Deathstroke cosplayers; comic relief! So for example, after Scam Man finishes up the next story arcs for RWBY Spider 2 and X-Factor, bada-boom, you get a chapter with ol' Wadey Wilson"!**

** "And every time it will be something relatively different. Sometimes I'll be chilling here in the studio with Bob (who has the runs right now and couldn't make it) and providing a PSA or maybe a deleted scene from the ongoing projects or even inviting someone from the story to stop by and talk (something like that ginger comedian Conan O'Brian would do). Other times, Scam man might write me into the RWBY Marvelverse and you readers get to see me in action (well not see me but reading about and picturing in your pea brains me chopping bad guys to pieces). Oh, and I'll also be starting each chapter with a different opening. Scam Man was supposed to originally write the 90's X-Men theme for you to read, but he thought you wouldn't like to waste your time reading a bunch of ba-da's and da-dum's in a rhythmic sequence for about a minute so, yeah, he's just a lazy ass."**

** "Oh and Scam Man also wants me to tell you that there will be a," Deadpool shivers at what he says next, "Q&A session in this story. So pretty much leave a question for me or Scam Man in the comments section about anything about the story or shit in general and I'll answer the ones that don't totally suck dicks (Oh God what kind of Hell did I get myself into?). But in exchange for answering mind numbing questions, I'm aloud to spoil a little bit about each of the new story arcs. So for those following or reading these stories, either scroll down or get lost if you don't want to know anything."**

** "For RWBY Spider 2, the next arc called **_**Spider Man and the Agents of S.P.E.A.R in: Paper Trail**_** is pretty much filler featuring a d-list Spider Man villain Scam Man rebooted. I'll give you a hint; she has paper like powers! And RWBY X-Factor's **_**Hunting & Training**_** has multiple story elements going on at once. While half of it is what you expect at a School for Gifted Youngsters, the other is reminiscent of a thirty-forty-five minute short film about two muscle bound monsters going at it (the highlight of that film was my cameo!). So that's about it, I would apologize but in all honesty I don't give a shit. If you will excuse me, I need to spike Bob's coffee with more laxatives. What; I need **_**something**_** to do until my next chapter! So sayonara and welcome to…**

**THE DEADPOOL SHOW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**SWORDS + GUNS = DEAD BULLIES**

_**A Jungle Camp Somewhere Sometime at night**_

** A White Fang soldier was patrolling the perimeter of the base when he heard a rustling noise in the bushes. He walks up, pulls back the leaves, and looks dumbfounded at the sight of a Deadpool doll. The doll's head moves to meet the soldier's gaze and starts laughing a creepy laugh (For those of you who don't know the reference, think Saw. For those of you who have never seen Saw, I got nothing.).**

_**"Hello dumbass, I want to play a game," **_**the doll says.**_** "The rules are simple, just stay there and look confused as shit while I countdown from five. 5…4…3…2…1," **_**the guard didn't know what hit him as Deadpool tip toes behind him and slices his head off with his swords.**

** "Man that is like the seventh guard that fell for that trick tonight," Deadpool said. "Seriously, where does the White Fang find these guys, Henchmen's R Incompetent? This is the easiest job I've been on in a long time (not counting the time I snuck into the women's locker room on the Triskellion and got a look at Natasha's balloons)."**

** The doll turns to the Merc with the Mouth and says, **_**"Hello dumbass, I want to play a game."**_

** "Shut the fuck up"! Deadpool pulls out a gun and shoots the doll in the head, forgetting he filled the damn thing with absurd amounts of Fire Dust. The explosion sent Deadpool flying in the air, and straight in the direction of a certain building.**

_**RWBY/MARVEL STUDIOS, Home to the greatest show on Fan Fiction**_

**(Cue Jimmy Vivino and the Basic Cable Band) As the music started, a man dressed in a HYDRA uniform standing behind a podium held out a microphone to begin the introduction. "Joining you live from RWBY/MARVEL STUDIOS, it's the Deadpool Show. Tonight we do not have a Q&A session but we do have an anti-bullying PSA, no guests because no one responded to our emails, featuring the kidnap…I mean very employed Jimmy Vivino and the Basic Cable Band, I'm Bob from HYDRA, tonight's episode: ME NO LIKE BULLIES, DEADPOOL SMASH BULLIES! And now here he is, Deeeeeeaaaaaaadddppooooooooool"! At that time, Deadpool crashed through the roof of the studio and lands awkward onto the stage. "Um, we'll be right with you folks."**

** After about five minutes, Deadpool heals up and jumps onto the stage, the BCB doing its long solo as he jumped up. "Alright that's enough of that." Deadpool pulls out his twin SMG's and kills the BCB. "Okay loyal fans, welcome to another edition of the Deadpool Show! If you're reading this then that means that our lazy writer has finally gotten to typing what you all have been waiting for. I mean why read a story about some web slinger in tights and a bunch of teenagers with superpowers when you have me? So I guess we should kick things off with the *groan* Q&A."**

** "Uh, actually Deadpool, no one posted any reviews for the introductory chapter, so we don't have any questions to answer," Bob answered.**

** "So I don't have to sit here and answer some pimple faced nerds stupid questions?" Bob nods at him and the merc pumps his fists in the air. "Oh thank the almighty Watcher on the Moon! Now we can…wait, 'no one posted **_**any **_**reviews'?" Bob gave him another nod and ducked under his podium. Deadpool turns his head and addresses the reader, "What the fuck you guys?! I mean don't get me wrong, I get it if you didn't post any questions because you wanted to be my zany self. The whole Q&A thing was more for Scam Man anyway; he just wanted to torture me by answering your dumbass questions. But no reviews, I thought we had something special?" Tears begin to form on his mask and pulls out a gun. "You hate me don't you? Fine, then I'll just end it since that's what you want." Deadpool raises the gun to his head and pulls the trigger. His head explodes, sending blood and grey matter all over the stage.**

** An hour passes by this time and Deadpool jumps up with a brand new head. "Well that was fun, so Bob what else is on the agenda?"**

** Bob, who had fallen asleep waiting for his friend to regenerate, bolts up and looks at his notes. "Well Deadpool, the only thing on the agenda tonight is the PSA and the annual spoilers for the ongoing stories, but that's at the end of the show."**

** "Ah yes reader, if you are a fan of RWBY, then you are going to love this PSA. Now the topic of the PSA tonight is anti-bullying. Technically if you think about it, the RWBY Spider 2 story arc **_**Paper Trail**_** has something of an anti-bullying message in it. It teaches kids never to bully because the poor kid you're picking on might be a mutant with the power to come to your house in the dead of night undetected and suck you of your fluids (Bow Chicka Bow Wow, that one's for you Tucker!). Now what does this have to do with RWBY you ask? Well, do you all remember in that one episode when that sack of shit Cardin Winchester (is he on Supernatural?) was picking on that poor Faunus girl Velvet (the girl with the rabbit ears who I've seen on this site as something of a fan favorite despite her limited screen time!)? I bet a lot of you had your blood boiling with anger, hoping you had the power to break the fourth wall like I do, and stop that atrocity by kicking his ass, am I right? Well as much as I want to do the most horrendous shit to the king of douchebags, I'm contractually obligated by Scam Man to not kill characters integral to the plot or who serves as an important role because he's keeping his stories canon to the first two RWBY volumes (well see after that!). So we'll just have to do the next best thing."**

** Deadpool pulls out a remote and presses the erase button. The stage that looks suspiciously like Conan O'Brien's fades away and the room becomes white. "Are we in the White Room Deadpool?"**

** "Don't be stupid Bob, we're not telepaths! The entire studio is actually the holographic projection room from Red vs Blue. You know the room Lopez made under the Red Base from Valhalla?"**

** "How'd you get it here to this universe?"**

** "Not important, now if you'll excuse me, it's time to recreate a scene." Deadpool programs the settings on the remote and the room turns into the cafeteria from Beacon Academy. He was standing next to Cardin as she was pulling Velvet's ear, but the scene was paused. "Oh before we begin, I would just like to say how much bullshit was in this scene. I mean, couldn't the main characters have taken five minutes off from character development to stop this crap from going any further? I mean, if they had the time to look, then they had the energy to walk over here and do something. Though I got to say Nora was onto something when she said they should break his legs. They should gone with that plan and see how the plot develops from there. And another thing, where the fuck were the teachers? So there was no faculty in the lunch room to supervise a bunch of teenagers armed with dangerous weapons? You know what, just read this next bit. And to any bullies reading this, pay the fuck attention, because this might be you if I ever catch you in the act."**

** Deadpool presses play and the scene plays out with Cardin pulling Velvet's ear. "See I told you they were real," the king douchebag said.**

** Deadpool taps him on the soldier and the big gorilla turns his head. "Yeah, hey, Cardin, my name is Deadpool and I see you like to bully cute little Faunus girls who can't fight back. So you like to pull ears huh tough guy, well time for a little ear for an ear." Deadpool tugs at Cardin's ear and the Huntsman did not look happy. He changed his tune when Deadpool pulled out one of his swords and cut his ear off. Blood poured from the hole in his head and he dropped to his knees in excruciating pain. The red clad mercenary began screaming into the severed ear. "Yeah, it's time for a little Vincent van Goghnuts bitch! Can you hear me now?"!**

** "What the fuck is wrong with you?! You cut my ear off"!**

** "Be lucky that's all I did! I could've sliced your arms and legs off and watched you bleed to death! I could've shoved a bunch of philosophical Zen garbage written by the finest literary authors down your throat and watch you suffocate! I could've put laxatives in those expensive Starbucks lattes you buy with daddies plastic! So as far as I'm concerned, I went easy on you"! Deadpool presses the pause button and smiles at the bleeding fuck.**

** "Wow Deadpool, you **_**really**_** hate bullies don't you?" Bob asked.**

** "I might be a good looking mercenary who takes cash from the highest bidder with an appetite for Mexican food and kills lots of people, but if I see one act of bullying, I stop whatever the fuck I'm doing and stick my nose into it. And by nose, I mean these shiny little devils bub," Deadpool said, impersonating a classic Wolverine voice and pulling out his sword. "So to sum it all up, don't' bully or you'll deal with me. Well that wraps up this episode."**

** "Wait Deadpool, don't forget the spoilers"!**

** "Whoa thanks for the reminder Bob, I was so in the zone it slipped my mind. I want to apologize in advance for all of these filler arcs Scam Man is dishing out, but he feels it builds suspense until the next big event. The next RWBY Spider arc is called **_**The Fantastic Adventure**_** and honestly, you would have to be a dumbass not to recognize the spoiler right there. As for X-factor, **_**Operation Desert Rose**_** is the first one where it takes place mostly in the days of past but breaks in between the days of future and maybe the days of presents future past (okay that last one didn't make any sense). So there you have it, and please leave a review, I'm self-conscious if I don't know what people think of me. You know by refusing, that's technically a form of social bullying. And you all know how I feel about bullying! So sleep tight, and hope the bed bugs bite you instead of my sword biting your ear off!**

**P.S. I'm being forced to ask you if we can try the *groan* Q&A again. So if any of you have a question, I'll answer it, you fucking bullies! **


	3. Chapter 3

** MY INNER 90'S KID**

_**RWBY/MARVEL STUDIOS**_

** "Five minutes, five minutes until the show starts Deadpool," Bob says to the host.**

** "Ya hang on a sec Bob, just doing some last minute touch ups," Deadpool responds while sitting at a desk doing last minute post production on the intro video he and his crew worked on. "Alright, I think we're good." He pulls out a remote and plays a video. The entire intro video is just close ups of Deadpool jumping on a trampoline while shooting a bunch of cardboard cut-outs of bad guys to the revamped theme of a popular 1990's Nickelodeon sketch comedy show.**

"**Fresh of the kill, stop, look, and watch out, get ready, get set, it's Deaaaaaaadpool"!**

"**Ooooooooh, oh, oooooooooooooh, this is Deaaaaaaaaadpoooool, this is Deaaaaaaadpoool"!**

"**Check it, check it, check it, now this is just an introduction before I blow your mind this show is cool and yes, I kill all the time, so get off your booty with arms flailing in the air, because I'm gun-in-for-you, because everything I do; is for the cash! We gonna get you; for the cash! My posse and Bob too; for the cash! So just sit still because I'm gonna get you!**

"**Ooooooooh, oh, oooooooooooooh, this is Deaaaaaaadpoool, this is Deaaaaaaaaadpoooool"!**

"**Ooooooooh, oh, oooooooooooooh, this is Deaaaaaaaaadpoooool, cause he's All That"!**

**Special Musical Guests: The Alicia Key's and Lamar Kendrick's Holograms!**

**The music ends and the set changes into that of the inside of a fast food restaurant. Deadpool is on the other side of the counter wearing a vertical striped uniform and a paper hat while banging on the counter top to a jingle he wrote himself. "I'm a merc, he's a merc, and she's a merc, because we're all mercs hey! I'm a merc, he's a merc, and she's a merc, because we're all mercs hey"! Deadpool continues this as Bob walks into the burger joint and walks up to the counter. "Welcome to Pool Burger, home of the Pool Burger can I slice your head off"! Deadpool smiles under his mask as he pulls out his sword in a scissor formation and moves his arms in a cutting motion.**

"**Uh Deadpool, what are you doing?" Bob asked.**

** "Re-enacting one of the best shows Nickelodeon ever produced my dear Bob."**

** "I can see that, but why?"**

** Deadpool jumps over the counter and wraps an arm around his shoulder. "You see Bob, I recently found out that back in April it was All That's 20****th**** anniversary and they did nothing! There was no special, no information on any DVD releases, and absolutely no inkling to bring it back! I am furious my good sir! So that's why today's show is in dedication of All That! I will single handedly re-enact some of their favorite and memorable sketches from the first six seasons (because let's face it, the last four weren't as memorable) as a sort of belated anniversary special! Also, because it was one of Scam Man's favorite shows growing up. Sure he was born in 1993, but he still got to see some of the best kid shows in their twilight years before it got filled up by a bunch of crap"!**

** "That's all well and good Deadpool, but aren't we normally supposed to start the show with the Q&A section? Especially since this is the first one."**

** "You are correct, and I got the perfect sketch to do it in." Deadpool takes out the remote to the holo-stage and changes the set. It changed into a little girls room with "DEADPOOL" spelled out at the top of the back wall. Deadpool himself was dressed up as a little girl with a bow on his head.**

**Narrator: **_**"Hi everyone! It's time Ask Deadpool"!**_

** Deadpool points to himself and says, "That's me! And I'm here to ask questions you, the fans, have left for me in the comments section. Normally I would bitch about this part, but since there are only two questions this time, I'll just have to suck it up and it will be done before I know it! Now I had my assistant reformat your questions to fit with the sketch, I hope you don't mind (as if I cared). Our first question comes from VenomSpider33 and he writes; **_**"Dear Deadpool,"**_** That's me! **_**"Dear Deadpool, I was wondering how you got the holo chamber from Valhalla, the base from Roosterteeth's other popular series Red VS Blue, all the way to your studio and, more importantly, universe?"**_** Well Spider it's quite simple; I didn't actually go to Valhalla dumbass! Do you think I'm like my cousin Deadpool from the 616 universe who gets to travel to another universe on a weekly basis?! Of course not! I just ripped the idea off of RVB and had that nerd Forge build one of my own! Man"! Deadpool recomposes himself and smiles under his mask. "Our other question for the evening comes from Autistic-Grizzly and he writes; **_**"Dear Deadpool,"**_** That's me! **_**"Dear Deadpool, With Magneto reforming the Brotherhood in Scam Man's stories, will he try to recruit the White Fang?"**_** Well Grizz, here's what I got to say; hell to the fucking no! They are two completely different groups trying to achieve two very completely different goals! Why the fuck would Magneto want to recruit a bunch of pansies who want only Faunus equality like a bunch of aggressive hippies when the Master of Magnetism is plotting world domination for mutant and Faunus kind?! Man"! Deadpool once again recomposes and smiles. "Well, that's all the questions we have this time, hopefully there will be more next time (Oh please God no!)." Music plays as the camera pans upward.**

** "And cut," Bob said.**

** "Well there we go, hey Bob, change the scenery for the next sketch will ya?" Deadpool throws the remote at Bob and walks off stage. Bob catches the remote and starts pressing buttons, but nothing happens.**

** "Oh man, I hope this thing isn't broken, Deadpool will literally kill me! Maybe it just needs batteries?" Just then, Bob hears a whistling sound as if something is falling from up above him. "What's that sound?" His question was answered as a body falls right in front of him. It was clearly Deadpool, but dressed in overalls, a blue shirt, and a bow tie. He also had glasses, a grey haired wig over his mask, and on the overalls was a red "D" with a hammer through it inside a white circle.**

** "That was me! I'm; Repair-pool-pool-pool-pool-pool-pool-pool-pool! A hoy de doy ha-ha"!**

** "Deadpool what are you doing?"**

** "No you idiot, I'm Repair-Pool, and I understand that something is in need of repairing?"**

** "Uh, yeah, the remote's not working. I just think that the batteries are dead or something."**

** Deadpool snatches the remote and removes the back, checking the back. "Dead batteries you say? Not a problem for Repair-pool-pool-pool-pool huh-huh! All I'll need to do is resuscitate them with my handy dandy monkey wrench"! Deadpool sets the remote down with the batteries facing up and proceeds to smash it to pieces while laughing like a maniac.**

** "Deadpool, I mean, Repair-Pool! You just smashed the remote to the holo-stage. Now how are we supposed to change the set and continue the show?"!**

** "Silence pion! Those are questions that Repair-pool-pool-pool-pool, cannot answer! If you want to solve this mystery, you will need a detective! And it just so happens I can recommend the best in the business"! Repair-Pool teleports away and Bob is left confused and wondering what to do next.**

** "Argh, this is so frustrating! I need a drink." Bob walks off stage and heads to the studio refrigerator. He opens it and Deadpool comes rolling out wearing a trench coat, a tie, and a mustache.**

** "Did someone call for a detective?"!**

** "No, no one called for a freaking detective"!**

** "I'm detective Wade."**

** "I know who you are Deadpool, but this is just getting annoying, even for you"!**

** "I understand that you are missing a remote control for your holo-stage, correct?"**

** "Well, missing and being smashed into a gazillion pieces are two different things."**

** "I see, but wait, how do **_**you**_** know so much about this case, unless, you're the SOB who destroyed the remote in the first place"!**

** "Now see here…" Bob didn't finish as Detective Wade pulled out a Taser and zapped Bob with a smile on his face under his mask. Bob was twitching after having been electrocuted.**

** "Well that wraps up the mystery of why Gabriel Iglesias was left out of the 10****th**** Anniversary intro! Yeah that's right, Fluffy was on All That, the more you know am I right?"! Detective Wade pulls out a spare remote and changes the setting to that of a bathroom with an opened window and the Eiffel Tower in the background. Deadpool was sitting in a bathtub with suds on the surface of the water wearing a yellow rain coat, flippers on his feet, and a yellow hat. He was also playing with a ukulele.**

**Narrator: **_**"And now, the Deadpool Show presents a semi-educational moment; everyday French with Pierre Escarpool"!**_

__**Deadpool turns to the camera and says his lines. **_**"Pourquoi mon chimichunga dans ton cul?"**_**Translation: "Why is my chimichunga in your ass?" Deadpool laughs like a Frenchman for five seconds. **_**"Si vous n'achetez pas Mon jeu, je vais vous couper et vous broyer dans la viande taco"!**_** Translation: "If you don't buy my game I will chop you up and grind you into taco meat"! Another five seconds of laughing like a Frenchman. **_**"Weasel Je jure devant Dieu, si vous touchez Mon dernier sac de boucles de fromage je vais crever vos yeux, les pousser dans la gorge, attendez-vous a les chiez, les pousser en arriere dans votre tete et vous faire regarder le style Gangnam jusqu'a ce que votre yeux saignent"!**_** Translation (and I am aware I missed a lot of accent marks, but I don't know how to do those): "Weasel I swear to God, if you touch my bag of cheese curls I will poke out your eyeballs, shove them down your throat, wait for you to crap them out, shove them back in your head and make you watch Gangnam style until your eyes bleed"! This time Deadpool laughs like his usual manic self and changes the stage into a desk with a lot of knick-knacks on them. Deadpool was sitting behind a desk with the words "Vytal Information" written on the front.**

**Narrator: **_**"And now it's Wade Wilson AKA Deadpool with Vytal Information for your everyday life"!**_

** Deadpool faces forward towards the camera and begins his scene. "If a man falls in love with a human girl and they get physical, that's called having sex. If a man falls in love a Faunus girl and **_**they**_** get physical, that's called bestiality." He then turns his head to the left to address camera two. "The only time it's appropriate to call someone an asshole is when you are speaking to a Donkey Faunus whose pants have inexplicably fallen down." He returns his attention to the front and speaks into camera one. "The pen is mightier than the sword, observe." Deadpool gets up and walks over to Bob, who is holding a sword. "Hey Bob, what's that over there?" Bob foolishly looks over to where Deadpool pointed and the merc steps up and stabs him in the neck with a pen.**

**Narrator: **_**"This has been Vytal Information for your everyday life"!**_

__**"Alright folks, before we close out the evening with some **_**real**_** entertainment, here are the spoilers for the next arcs. In RWBY Spider 2's **_**The Breakout**_**, there will be a party, some fights, and a prelude to an awesome event. In RWBY X-Factor's **_**Morlocks**_**, the X-Men get sidetracked from finding Speedy Gonzales."**

** "And now folks," Deadpool begins, "Give it up for the holograms of our musical guests who couldn't actually be here tonight; Alicia Keys and Kendrick Lamar"! Side note: recommend playing the actual song to make your experience better. Disclaimer: I do not own the song, Copyright belongs to RCA Records.**

**Kendrick Lamar:**

_**And everybody knows the story of David & Goliath **_

_**But this is bigger than triumph**_

_**This is for the warrior; this is for you and I**_

_**This is for euphoria; give me a piece of mind**_

_**God is recording this; won't you look in the sky?**_

_**Tell him you got the behavior of your neighbor**_

_**Even when stability's never in your favor**_

_**Fly with the turbulence, only last a minute**_

_**Land on your dreams, and recognize you live it**_

_**Walk through the valley of peace, with bare feet**_

_**Run through the flames, that's more passion for me**_

_**I passed testimony just so the world could see**_

_**Got them battle wounds on, now watch me lick 'em clean**_

_**I know, I know, my pride, my goals, my highs, my lows**_

_**I know, I know, its mind control**_

_**I know I could prosper, no imposter, prosecute my posture**_

_**I stand up and I stand by her, what?**_

**Alicia Keys:**

_**I am a freedom fighter, the name that history wrote**_

_**And even through disaster, eye of the tiger for hope**_

_**I'm trying to find my way back, there's no day off for heroes**_

_**And even when I'm tired, go is the only word I know**_

_**And the night is takin' over**_

_**And the moonlight gets exposure**_

_**And the players have been chosen,**_

_**And it seems like fate has spoken**_

_**When it seems your faith has broken,**_

_**By the second, losin' focus**_

_**Ain't no way to get off, get off, get off, get off**_

_**Unless you move forward**_

_**I bet they wonder how I go on (x3)**_

_**I'll simply say "it's on again, it's on again," whoa-oh**_

_**The world don't stop, it's on again, it's on again whoa-oh**_

_**I am a lonely hero, trying to fight my battles**_

_**Life likes to blow the cold wind,**_

_**Sometimes it freezes my shadow**_

_**In the midst of all this darkness, I sacrifice my ego**_

_**There ain't room for selfish, we do it for the people**_

_**And the night is takin' over**_

_**And the moonlight gets exposure**_

_**And the players have been chosen,**_

_**And it seems like fate has spoken**_

_**When it seems your faith has broken,**_

_**By the second, losin' focus**_

_**Ain't no way to get off, get off, get off, get off**_

_**Unless you move forward**_

_**I bet they wonder how I go on (x3)**_

_**I'll simply say, "it's on again, it's on again," whoa-oh**_

_**The world don't stop, it's on again, it's on again whoa-oh**_

_**Say the work don't stop, cause they don't stop**_

_**And everybody here tryna get on top**_

_**Everybody from the burbs down to the block**_

_**Gotta hold on tight and don't let go, let go**_

_**Huh, so you think you hot?**_

_**Gotta grind hard, give it all you got**_

_**You can have, or you can have not**_

_**You see that a lot in the ghetto (ghetto)**_

_**I bet they wonder how I go on (x3)**_

_**I'll simply say, "it's on again, it's on again," whoa-oh**_

_**The world don't stop, it's on again, it's on again whoa-oh**_

__**The song ends and on a screen above the stage is a picture of team RWBY with their weapons drawn with Spider-Man crouching in front of them. In the foreground with their backs to the poster is a man with tentacles on his back, a blue man with electricity shooting from his body, a man with a purple cape and a glass bowl for a head, a large man with a horn for a nose, a man-Nevermore hybrid, and a man on a glider holding a pumpkin bomb. The caption on the poster reads; COMING SOON: TEAM RWBY & SPIDER-MAN VS THE SINISTER SIX!**


	4. Chapter 4

**IT'S CUTTING TIME!**

_**RWBY/MARVEL STUDIOS, Monday July 11**__**th**__**, 9:30 pm**_

**(Cue old Transformers G1 cartoon intro from the 80's with new lyrics)**

"**Wade Wilson! More than meets the eyes! The merc wage his battles to destroy the evil forces of almost anyone! Wade Wilson! Killer in disguise! Wade Wilson! More than meets the eye! DEADPOOL SUCKAS"!**

** Deadpool runs out onto the stage waving and shooting one of his SMG's into the air as the studio audience applauded. "Welcome to the Deadpool Show, and boy is it great to be back"! Deadpool shouted as the audience quieted down.**

** "But Deadpool," Bob began, "Why are we posting a new chapter if RWBY: The X-Factor hasn't even posted its story arc?"**

** "Good question, but I think I'll answer on behalf of our illustrious author after I finish the *shudders* Q&A session." Bob walks up to the Merc with the Mouth and hands him the questions. "I'll right let's see…oh my God, THERE ARE **_**THREE**_** QUESTIONS NOW?! So not only did Grizz and Spider33 post another question each (not that there's anything wrong with that from two of my favorite fans), but now this Spartan from the UNCS wants to ask me something?"! Deadpool skims the paper at the questions and gets wide eyed at the last one. "Oh, so it's one of **_**those**_** questions huh? Alright Mr. 626, but I'm saving yours for last because it's so juicy."**

** "Okay, first question is from Autistic-Grizzly, 'Dear Deadpool, is Venom and Carnage alien symbiotes or Grimm'? Actually Grizz, that question has already been answered at the end of the first RWBY Spider book, but I guess not everyone read it even though you all should (after all, without the first book, I might not even be here!). In the RWBY/Marvelverse, the symbiotes are a higher echelon of intelligent Grimm that can choose to bond with a human and feed on their souls while giving them enhanced everything. So far there were two introduced in book one and a third in the second book. And to clarify, Anti-Venom is not a Grimm, but something called a Vanguard which does the opposite of what the other symbiotes do."**

** "Next question is from my boy VenomSpider33, 'So will Agent Venom ever appear'? Now that is a tricky question. As I said before, Venom is a creature of Grimm that wants to destroy humanity. So bonding with a human for the purposes of preserving humanity sounds farfetched, unless of course you're one of the Vanguard symbiotes (which there are only one left). Or if the human manipulated by a Grimm symbiote has a soul so powerful, he or she can overpower the being and use it to their own devices. So, yeah, either or."**

** "And finally a question from SPARTAN-626, 'Which of the female RWBY characters would you hit on it if you were a teenager, or would you stay the same age and just hit on Goodwitch'?" Deadpool looks up from the paper, stares into the camera with one eyebrow raised, and smiles under his mask. "There is no right way to answer that question, but that's never stopped me before! You bet your ass I would hit on that hot witch with the riding crop! Hell, she'd probably hit on me to, but you know, in a different way. And if I was a teenager, the better question to ask would be 'Who **_**wouldn't **_**I hit on'?! Well actually, I wouldn't hit on Ruby, not just because she's too young, but she and I would be besties"!**

** "Now before we get to the main event, I have some news regarding some of Scam Man's various projects. As of right now, RWBY: The X-Factor and Apes of Remnant will be going on hiatus until further notice. The big bad author guy has unfortunate writers block for both stories. He doesn't know when he'll continue those projects, so please don't ask the same question over and over again. Also, Scam Man has re-uploaded his old Transformer crossover 'The Remnant Battles' after being re-inspired by Age of Extinction. But he will also resume The RWBY Spider 2 after a long break. The reason why he took a break was because he just needed time off to recharge his batteries and some shit. The dude works five days a week in some convenience store and he has to get up on Saturday mornings at 4:30 to open the damn place. It's a miracle he had time to update so much as it was (granted it's a minimum wage job, but doing the same thing over and over again is exhausting). So anyway, Scam Man decided to go back to his roots and primarily focus on the RWBY Spider 2 mostly with updates from the Remnant Battles."**

** "But I digress with all that boring shit; let's get to what you all are here to read about! Tonight's chapter will **_**not **_**be taking place here at the studio, but in Vale City! That's right, and I might even get to see a certain Web Slinger if I'm lucky. Anyway, I was hired by an 'anonymous' client to take out a White Fang hit squad." Deadpool looks at the camera, addressing the readers. "Look I'm going to let you guys in on a secret. My client is actually Albert Schnee, CEO of the Schnee Dust Corporation. During the Battle of Vale City, he and his family were taken by HYDRA and held captive at Alchemax Tower. And because both Tiberius and Tyler Stone were there, the family is being called in as witnesses at the Goblin's trial (so any of you lost? You wouldn't be if you **_**read**_** the first RWBY Spider book). So when the White Fang got wind of this, they planned to send a squad out on the day of the trial. But it just so happens, that Albert Schnee is well connected and find out about the hit. So now he hired me to kill these sons of bitches by…" he looks down at his cellphone and checks the time, "…10:00 pm tonight. Yeah I gotta go." Deadpool teleports off the stage and outside, climbing into a helicopter and sets a course for Vale City.**

_**Vale City, 9:54 pm**_

** In an apartment on the third floor of a complex, sitting around a coffee table, were six uniformed White Fang soldiers. One of them wore a golden mask instead of the traditional grey ones, indicating that he's in charge. The soldiers were cleaning their weapons and reviewing the structural blue prints of the court house. The commander with the golden mask, Yeller "Golden Retriever" Lassie, has a highly regarded reputation for completing missions with no complications and zero casualties to his team. That's right; the soldiers sitting in that living room with Cmdr. Lassie have been with him for the past five years.**

** "I bet all your trigger fingers are itching to put down that racist son of a bitch huh?" Lassies asked his men.**

** The other Faunus just laughed as there was a knock at the door. "I got it boss," one soldier said as he rose, slowly pulling out his pistol from his holster. "Who is it?"**

** "Pizza delivery," the guy on the other side of the door said.**

** The soldier looks at his commander and he shakes his head. In Cmdr. Lassie's squad, all troops go dark before a mission, zero contact with the outside world. The soldier takes out a silencer from his pocket, screws it onto his sidearm, and fires three times. The three puffs were only heard by the six soldiers in the room and the sound of a body drops on the other side.**

** "Retrieve the body," Lassie said as the other troops laugh at the clever joke. The shooter opens the door and drags in a guy in red covered in weapons and wearing a hat with a pizza logo on it. The commander looked shocked as he pulled out his gun. "Oh crap that's…"!**

** He didn't finish as Deadpool pulls out his swords and cuts the shooter's feet off. "Swish"! Deadpool said mimicking the sound of flesh separating from one another by his blades. He then reaches up and impales the trooper. "Stab"!**

** "Kill that son of a bitch"! The remaining soldiers open fire and Deadpool teleports. The mercenary reappears now on his feet with an SMG in each hand.**

** "This is going to be awesome"! The White Fang Commander ducked behind the couch just before the merc opened fire. "BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG…"! Yeah Deadpool just keeps saying "BANG" to the sound of his endless fire while watching the White Fang soldiers are reduced to chunks of shredded meat. The SMG's run out of ammo and the empty magazines are ejected. Deadpool holsters the firearms and pulls out his swords and walks over to the couch. He moves his right blade over to the commander's neck, motioning him to stay still. "Well, well, well, if it ain't the 'Golden Retriever' himself."**

** "You…you son of a bitch, you killed my men"! The blade presses tighter against his neck and he shuts up.**

** "Uh, uh, uh, I didn't tell this doggy to speak. But I'm not going to have you play dead either because you are worth some cashola"!**

** "You're referring to the bounty on my head?" The commander laughs and asks, "What's it up to now?"**

** "Let's see…," Deadpool sheathes his other blade and pulls out an electronic book. Called the DINGO Book, it is a tool used by bounty hunters, mercenaries, assassins, or anyone in the criminal underworld who targets high profile criminals or terrorists for the bounties on their heads. It was originally created to go after White Fang terrorists when the DINGO Book was published five years ago, but it has expanded since then. "…Five years of debauchery and that recent job in that Atlas village brings your bounty to 1,376,820 liens. And since the collection office gets a 5% commission, I'm looking at a profit of 1,307,979 liens **_**plus**_** the money I get for this job. In other words, it's Christmas in July and Santa decided to get me a present after all."**

** A gunshot rings out and Deadpool is disarmed. The merc looks to the door to see the Winter Soldier standing there, his metal arm raised while holding a smoking gun. "I'm afraid you won't be collecting any bounty tonight Deadpool," he said.**

** "Bucky, hey, can you just give me a minute so I can slap this guy around before turning him into cold hard…wait…what do you mean by no bounty?"**

** "This terrorist is going to the Triskellion to answer some questions. So step away and fuck off."**

** Deadpool hardens his gaze, swiftly pulls out his other sword and teleports forward. "SWISH, SWISH MOTHERFUCKER"! Deadpool reappears slashing at air as Bucky rolls out of the way and shoots the merc in the back of the head, "killing" him.**

** "I don't have much time."**

** Sometime later, Deadpool reawakens to find the room empty, save for the dead bodies of the soldiers he already killed. "What the hell Scam Man, I was all ready to have this big fight scene with Bucky Barnes and now he got away and cash blocked me (it's like cock blocking, only he denied me booty instead of bo-tey!)! Oh well, at least I'm still getting paid for thwarting the assassination attempt. So I guess I'll spend my new 500k on drowning my sorrows! Well, that's our show folks, please leave a comment or a question below and I will answer it next time. Oh and for the spoiler, I already spoiled last time at the end of the last chapter. So yeah, feel free to look that up okay sayonara"! **


	5. Chapter 5

**POKE-MY-FACE**

_**RWBY/MARVEL STUDIOS**_

__**"Hey folks, Deadpool here, and if you're reading this then that means Scam Man **_**finally**_** finished up an arc of RWBY Spider 2 and you get to read another chapter of the Deadpool Show"! The audience applauds after the merc's statement as he stood in front of a poker table. "Now before we get started, I want to apologize for foregoing the opening title sequence. Scam Man couldn't think of one to parody this time, I mean come on, the guy's no Weird Al Yankovic, but he **_**is**_** pretty tacky! But that's alright because these days all the shows with good title sequences don't have lyrics to make fun of. Plus he's too lazy to look for one. Okay with that out of the way, let's kick things off with the Q&A! Yes, I'm excited for a change because there are questions coming from more than just the regular die-hard fans"!**

** "First couple comes from SPARTAN -626, and let me say you got some big **_**cajones**_** threatening me bra. You do know I sliced up some furries in the last chapter right? And besides, even if I was into Ruby if I was a teenager, what would be the point of killing me when I gots a moutha fucking HEALING FACTOR! Oh listen to me; **_**I'm**_** the one who's supposed to be answering **_**your**_** questions! Anyway, your first question, 'which of the weapons seen is your favorite'? Wells Sparts, I got to go with Crescent Rose. Of all the weapons in that show, that one has **_**got**_** to be the deadliest and it sticks out the most! Holy crap, Crescent Rose is a living metaphor of yours truly! Okay, your next question, 'what are my thoughts on Deathstroke'? I'll tell you one thing Not-So-Master Chief, that bitch doesn't have his own game. Sure he's been in plenty of video games and both animated and live action T.V shows, but was he the star of anyone of them? I don't think so! While meanwhile, I have a game and a movie with Ryan Reynolds playing the desired starring role (assuming Rupert Murdoch gets off his lazy ass to **_**make**_** the movie happen!). And finally, 'who's my favorite transformer'? I have respect for Transformers only because High Moon Studios made both our games, but that is a good question. My retort is who cares, they are all giant transforming robots that blow shit up (thank you Michael Bay), and the real question should be, who **_**isn't **_**my favorite?"!**

** "The next question comes from Aus to the Grizzy, and asks, 'can you tell me if any of the Guardians of the Galaxy will appear to help with Ultron in the future'? Well Grizz, thanks for asking something about the ongoing story. The Guardians, who **_**will**_** appear coming up later on, will not be fighting Ultron. They're too busy 'guarding' someone at the moment, and when Scam Man gets to the Age of Ultron arc, the Guardians will either be off world or just sitting the battle out. Also, just saying this now, the Age of Ultron will be the big event that closes out the second book, but don't expect that for a long time."**

** "Finally, Villain84 has asked some weird and uncomfortable questions that I cannot answer (except for one). Dude, it's not because **_**I**_** can't answer, it's just Scam Man has no idea what most of the stuff you're asking actually is. And for the record, Cable **_**is**_** my besty and I hope to team up with him one day in the RWBY/Marvelverse."**

** "Now that that's out of the way, let's get on with the show. Tonight's episode is a poker game with some special guests."**

** "Can I play too Deadpool?" Bob asks.**

** "Oh hell no and you know why"!**

** "But Dee, I told you I only just got the script yesterday"!**

** "And I say I don't care! You get a cameo appearance in the next big RWBY Spider arc and I'm nowhere to be found"!**

** "Boss, did you read the script **_**all**_** the way through the part with me in it?"**

** Maintaining an angry look under his mask, Deadpool pulls out the script and skims through it, getting to the marked page. He read the page top to bottom and his anger dissipated into glee. "Oh hells yeah, that's what I'm talking about! Okay Bob I forgive ya, but you still can't play."**

** "Aw, but why?"**

** "Well let me show you tonight's special guests so you can see why. He's the hairy half-brother of the best there is at what he does, give a paw for Victor Creed, Sabertooth"! The audience booed as Sabertooth walked onto the stage carrying an eighteen pack of beer and roared at the crowd, bringing an eerie silence. The hairy mutant sits down at the poker table, rips the case open, and snaps open a can of beer.**

** "Get on with it Scarface," Sabertooth said, "I'm here to win some cash."**

** "Didn't you make a couple mil busting out Dr. Manhattan and Rocksteady?"**

** "Fuck you Deathstroke wannabe"!**

** "I'm gonna let that one go, but call me Slade and I'll cut your fucking head off and use your skull for the next World Cup. Our next guests recently appeared in the RWBY Spider as members of a team of freelancers. Please welcome Crossbones and Taskmaster"! The two mercenaries walk out wearing their combat gear waving at the audience. "A shame you're other teammates didn't except my invitation."**

** "Well Foreigner has jobs to plan and Locus doesn't do social events," Taskmaster explained. "There loss is our financial gain"!**

** "Hey Sabertooth, toss me a cold one," Crossbones said walking over to the poker table. The mutant complied and threw a can at the gruff merc. The professional's reflexes kicked in, caught it, snapped it open and took a sip. As Crossbones sat down, Taskmaster and Deadpool joined the group while Victor started shuffling the cards. In the center of the table was 500,000 liens converted into poker chips. Deadpool pulled out his sword and used it to divide up the cash four ways, giving himself and each of his guests 125,000 liens.**

** "Whoa, whoa, whoa, so I didn't need to bring any cash?" Taskmaster asked as he started to put away his wallet. "Wade, where'd ya get this kinda loot?"**

** "I did a job for that Schnee guy and I got bank. But I decided to give three of my best friends in the whole wide world I have the chance to win it all in an epic poker game," Deadpool said smiling under his mask and wrapping an arm around Victor. The mutant looks at him and cuts off his arm with his claws. "S'cool dawg," he said as he put the arm back on and healed.**

** "I may not know you that well, but any crazy bastard who's willing to give me money is a friend of mine," Crossbones added as he finished his first beer and grabbed a second.**

** "That is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me"!**

** "Alright ladies, stop talking nice and let's get started," Sabertooth said as he started throwing out cards. "The game's seven card nothing wild, twenty bucks to start." The four mercs through a twenty lien chip as Sabertooth gives him their third card face up (the first two were thrown face down). The order for this match going clockwise is Crossbones, then Taskmaster, Deadpool, and finally Sabertooth, the dealer. Brock had an Ace of Spades, which trumps Anthony's Five of Hearts, Wade's Two of Hearts, and Victor's Jack of Clubs.**

** "I'll call," Crossbones tossed in another twenty and the others did the same after checking their downed cards.**

** As Victor passed out the fourth card for each player, Deadpool asked, "So anything new happening with you guys?"**

** Victor observes the new cards and sees that a Five of Spades gives Taskmaster a pair, making him the new leader. "I got this new gig working for the Brotherhood of Mutant/Faunus relations. It's like the White Fang, but with twice the threat to humanity." He grinned at his Ten of Diamonds, knowing what he has so far with his downed cards.**

** "Bonsey here and I just recently went on safari with our squad mates and bagged us a large condor," Taskmaster said.**

** "It was more like a rare vulture," Crossbones corrected but looked disappointed at his Ace paired with a Three of Diamonds.**

** "As for me," Deadpool started with all four cards in hand, "I just got this sweet show here and my own sidekick." Bob walks out with a bowl of chips and dip while wearing an apron.**

** "Care for some high priced chips?" Bob asked putting down the bowls.**

** Sabertooth grabs a hand full and says, "Thanks meat sack, now scram before I eviscerate you"! Bob runs off stage and the game continues. After a couple more cards are thrown, Sabertooth tosses the seventh and final card face down; the pot now has 280 liens in the middle. "I'll call and raise another thirty"!**

** "I'm out," Crossbones said.**

** "Yeah me too," this from Taskmaster, disappointed he got crap.**

** "I'll take that action," Deadpool said throwing in fifty.**

** "Check it out boys, I got a flush of cards and now a flush of cash," Sabertooth said as he revealed five cards with the Diamond suite. He reached for the pot but got his hands slapped by Deadpool's swords.**

** "Not so fast bobcat, because I'm in the full house"! Deadpool flashed his own cards to see three Two's and two Seven's. "Aw yeah, suck it, I's getting my mula back"! He adds the 380 to his pile and the mutant passes the deck to Crossbones.**

** "So Wade, you seriously gonna spend an **_**entire**_** episode of your show playing poker?" Taskmaster asked.**

** "Of course not, that's why I brought a special musical guest in holographic form to speed things up. With the power of montage, by the time the song is over, only two of us will be sitting at this table."**

** "Please, for the love of God, tell me it isn't Lady Gaga," Sabertooth said. "If it is, we're all going to take turns killing you fifty times over"!**

** "Of course not, that would be too obvious! I got someone much cooler." Music starts to play as the singer started to softly sing.**

** "No way," Crossbones said.**

** "This might be cool," Taskmaster added.**

** "Alright Wade, not bad," Sabertooth commented.**

** "Yo musical guest, tell us what your name is"!**

_**?**_

_**My name is Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid Kid Rock!**_

_**Bawtidaba da bang a bang diggy diggy 'Diggy', said the boogy, said, up jump the boogey (x4)**_

_**An' this is for the questions that don't have any answers**_

_**The midnight glancers and the topless dancers**_

_**The candid freaks, cars packed with speakers**_

_**The G's with the forties an' the chicks with beepers**_

_**The Northern Lights an' the Southern Comfort**_

_**An' it don't even matter if the veins are punctured**_

_**All the crackheads, the critics, the cynics**_

_**An' all my heroes in the Methadone Clinic**_

_**All you bastards at the I.R.S**_

_**For the crooked cops an' the cluttered desks**_

_**For the shots of Jack an' the caps of Meth**_

_**Half pints of love an' the fifths of stress**_

_**For all the hookers all trickin' out in Hollywood**_

_**An' for my hoods of the world misunderstood**_

_**I said, it's all good an' it's all in fun now get in the pit and try to love someone**_

_**Bawtidaba da bang a bang diggy diggy 'Diggy' said the boogey, said, up jump the boogey (x4)**_

_**For the time bombs tickin' an' the heads that hang**_

_**All the gangs gettin' money an' the heads that bang bang**_

_**Wild mustangs, the porno flicks, all my homies in the county**_

_**In cell block six**_

_**The grits when there ain't enough eggs to cook**_

_**An' for DB Cooper an' the money he took**_

_**You can look for answers but that ain't fun**_

_**Now get in the pit an' try to love someone**_

** Deadpool immediately interrupts the poker game by jumping up during the big solo, playing an air guitar. He said "What?" with the hologram as well.**

_**Bawtidaba da bang a bang diggy diggy 'Diggy' said the boogey, said, up jump the boogey (x4)**_

_**Love, and for the hate and for the peace…**_

_**Warrrrrrrrrrrrrr**_

_**Bawtidaba da bang a bang diggy diggy 'Diggy' said the boogey, said, up jump the boogey (x4)**_

** Deadpool plays out the last bit and sat back down. As the Merc with the Mouth said, the game progressed throughout the song and now he and Sabertooth are the only ones still in. Deadpool looked confident as he had nearly all of his money back and flashed out a royal straight flush, winning the game. "Oh yeah, winning"! Wade yelled.**

** "Oh no, no fucking way you got nine royal straight flushes in that entire game"! Taskmaster declared.**

** "I agree," Sabertooth answered as he got up and ripped Wade's arm out of his socket.**

** "What the hell man?"! Deadpool yelled.**

** Victor opened up the sleeve and a pile of cards fall out. "You fucking, cheating shit-tard"!**

** "Dude, why did you cheat, this was **_**your**_** idea?"! Crossbones asked.**

** "I always wanted to beat someone at poker," Deadpool said, "But I actually suck so cheating was the only way to go."**

** "YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD"! All three mercs screamed at once. Deadpool eeped and ran for his life.**

** "Well folks that's our show, and don't worry, once these guys get tired of killing me, I'll be fit as a fiddle for mine and Bob's cameo appearance. And now for the spoiler; the next story arc for RWBY Spider 2 will be a two parter entitled **_**Identity Crisis**_**. In Part 1, Arden Ambrose isn't really feeling himself and the scenery has changed. Also, throughout this two parter, there will be a **_**lot**_** of Marvel character appearances, so enjoy that!**

** "GET BACK HERE CHICKENSHIT"! Sabertooth yelled.**

** "I got to go, that's all folks"!**


	6. Chapter 6

**15 MINUTES OF UNLIMITED FAME**

_**RWBY/MARVEL STUDIOS**_

** Bob stood on the stage as Deadpool ran back and forth with nails in his mouth, wooden boards in his arms, and a hammer in his hand. "Hey folks, welcome to another episode of the Deadpool Show," he said as Wade teleported to the second floor and boarded up the windows up there. "As some of you know, Deadpool and I made a recent cameo in the RWBY Spider 2 in part 1 of **_**Identity Crisis**_**. We literally just got back and Pool has been boarding up the windows and doors ever since because he might have saw…"**

** Deadpool pops down in front of Bob and starts shaking him, "…No might about it Bob, that was the All-New Ghost Rider from the comics all right! And the last thing I needed was to look into those glowy eyes of doom and relive all the crap I've done for the rest of my days! For all we know, he could be on his way now and eat my soul"!**

** "Wade, Wade! Calm down, I'm sure he has better things to do. Sure you've sinned, but it's not like you've killed innocent people, right?"**

** "Define **_**innocent**_**."**

** "Uh, never mind, are you done yet?"**

** "Yep, with the moat of molten lava and gun emplacements out front, I'd like to see flaming soccer ball head man try and get in here"!**

** "Maybe we should take our minds off this Ghost Rider thing by doing the Q&A session of the show?"**

** "Sure, why not, that's **_**always**_** a barrel of laughs. First question comes from the Halo loving SPARTAN-626 and he asks, 'What are your thoughts to those who think Slade is better than you?' First of all I'd like to say to those people FUCK YOU"! Deadpool screamed the same two words over and over again while chucking both middle fingers. "What, just because he's saner than me and is played by a former Spartacus star on **_**Arrow**_** that makes him a more deadly, skilled and dangerous warrior?! Well guess what, there's test footage of your truly killing assholes online from **_**my**_** movie and the famous Ryan Reynolds voiced me! So why don't you go watch **_**that**_** and **_**then**_** tell me Slade is better than me"!**

** "Whew, now that that's out, Aussie Grizzy asks 'Any chance of Yang becoming the new female Thor?' First I'd like to say…" Deadpool drops to the ground and rolls around, laughing for a few minutes. He gets back up and continues, "…Second, she might have the long, flowing blond hair, but she's already weighed down by **_**two**_** big hammers as it is, you know what I'm saying?" Deadpool winked at the audience.**

** "Boobies, okay moving on. Our final questions come from some guy named Dario Soto who thinks I rule. Thanks for that, but I don't need people to tell me what I already know. Ah who am I kidding; you can say it as many times as you like! Question uno is 'When are you going to have a part in the story?' Dude, I've actually had **_**two**_** parts so far, but I see where you're coming from. I'm still in talks with the author to actually encounter Spider-Man himself, but so far I'm behind in the list. Second question, 'Since Locus is a RVB but is in this story, will we see more of him?' Oh hell yeah, he'll be back along with the rest of the Death Squad in a future arc. You see, Scam Man has been including recreated RVB character and including them in his story as Easter Eggs. Can you find them all?**

** "Well Bob that worked for about a couple minutes, but I still got flaming skull man on the brain! Aw well, I'm going to go upload a sex tape on the internet."**

** "Yeah…," Bob said before realizing, "…Wait, what?"**

** "Oh, is it the idea of a character you're reading about on the internet going on the internet himself too confusing? It's Internetception! Nah, that sounds dumb, maybe I'll call it Inception for short and make it a movie. I'll have Leonardo Dicaprio play me and Joseph Gordon Levitt play you"!**

** "What was that about a sex tape?"**

** "Oh yeah, I placed a video camera in the Hardy mansion back when Cleopatra Hardy and the Prowler hooked up, but never got around to get it. I finally did, but come to find out I put it in the wrong room. I went through it for shits and giggles and discovered something even **_**juicier**_**." Deadpool presses play and Bob averts his eyes in disgust as two teenagers went at it.**

** "Oh my God"!**

** "I know, it's **_**Felicia**_** Hardy and that clone of Spider-Man going at it like two horny rabbit Faunus."**

** "Wait, how do you know he's a clone?"**

** "Keep up Bob; **_**I'm**_** the one who screens all of Scam Man's chapters before he uploads them"!**

** "That explains a lot."**

** "And I got to say, this whole **_**Identity Crisis**_** arc has got to be my favorite. It's just one complete mind fuck after another. And I got to say, I'm **_**itching **_**to see when everybody finds out they've been bamboozled. That cat thief is going to feel so violated when she learned she banged a fake." Bob and Deadpool heard Felicia scream **_**Oh God**_** several times on the video.**

** "Deadpool, you **_**can't**_** upload this"!**

** "Why not, Kim Kardashian did and she's fucking famous for some reason! Hell, the Hardy sisters could get a television show from this"!**

** "But it's morally wrong"! Deadpool just looked at him like he's stupid. "Yeah, yeah, I realized it the moment I said it. But this has to go against your contract with Scam Man somehow"!**

** "What do you mean?"**

** "Well, it's okay if we know Arden Ambrose is Spider-Man because we exist in between the line of canon and non-canon, but everyone might get suspicious as to why someone like Felicia would have sex with someone like Arden, regardless if that's his clone in the video. You post that video and you cross the line."**

** "I've been crossing and breaking shit since my debut in the comics! Whether its people, bears, the fourth wall, or the toilet after taco night, I must fuck things up"! Wade's Scroll rings and he answers it. "Red Death Tacos, how may I help you? Oh Scam Man what's up my favorite writer?! Uh huh, uh huh, okay, yep, got it and…consider it done, love you, bye." He hangs up and looks at Bob. "Well congratulations tattle tale, Scam Man just forbade me from uploading the video."**

** "Well, I think it's for the best Wade, this is kinda beneath you."**

** "You see too much good in me Bob, and that needs to change. Besides, there's always around things like these." He takes out a gun and points it at his sidekick's head. "Upload the video."**

** "Excuse me?"**

** "UPLOAD THE FUCKING VIDEO"! Scared for his life, Bob sits down and uploads the sex film on the internet. "You'll see she'll be famous by the end of the week." Suddenly the video was taken down for having too much smut. "Fuck, try another site, one that lacks decency." Bob keeps trying and Deadpool looks at his fans, gun still pointed at Bob's head. "Well folks, I think I'm going to call it an early night. Oh yeah, and the spoiler for part 2, SHIT IS GOING DOWN! That's all you really need to know. Alright leave questions and make sure to check out this sex tape online. And if you can't find ours because dicks won't let us upload it, then find another Spider-Man fucking Black Cat video; I'm sure there are plenty of those out there! Stay alive out there, that is until I come knocking at your door, Peace"!**


	7. Chapter 7

**NOSTALGIA**

_**RWBY/Marvel Studios**_

** Deadpool was sitting in a chair in his dressing room with his feet up, his mask up, and chowing down on sugary cereal while watching the entire original TMNT cartoon series. With the new movie coming out, Deadpool decided to watch the original show all the way through before seeing the new flick because he thinks they'll be the same thing, right?**

** There was a knock on the door and Bob walked in. "Hey Deadpool, show starts in five," he said.**

** "Coolio and I think I've got a pretty good idea what today's show will be," Deadpool said with a smirk.**

** A few minutes later, Deadpool came out with the applause of the audience blaring. "Welcome everyone to another exciting episode the Deadpool Show, and boy do we got a show for you today! But first, let's answer some questions."**

** "First up, Autistic Grizzly asks if that Spider clone asshole has access to Anti-Venom, and the answer is no. Anti-Venom only pairs with someone who has a pure or good soul, not some scheniving dick who fucks with you on the regular (or in Felicia's case, just fucking). His second question asks why Isis knew Solomon wasn't Arden, that's actually taken out of context. She didn't actually **_**knew**_** it was an imposter, she just had a hard time believing that someone close to her would be responsible for committing such horrible things. And finally, why have Robbie Reyes instead of Danny Ketch as Ghost Rider, well Danny will be in the story, Scam Man just figured because Robbie is such a new character, more can be done with him."**

** "Next up is SPARTAN-626 and he asks a lot of stuff about that whole Warhammer 40k universe. Sorry dude, I got no idea what you're talking about there, all I know about them is that they use big guns and swords, so I'd join all factions and then kill everyone."**

** "Lorion asks why Scam Man writes his stories in bold lettering. A good question, Scam Man does it for people who may not see so well and crap like that. Scam Man knows it's different than what everybody else does, but that's exactly why he does it."**

** "And finally Villain84 asks if I'm a cheater by banging live woman while my sweet lady death and I are apart. Well she and I have a little understanding that until we are together forever, she'll overlook all the times I sleep with the hotties here in the land of the living. You'd be surprised how many times I got laid (take that any way you want to hear it).**

** "That's the Q&A, sorry for blowing through it so fast, but today's show is one for the history books. But first how about I introduce today's guests; team RWBY"!**

** The four girls from Beacon walk out on stage, waving as the audience applauded. Ruby and Yang were grinning like idiots, Weiss curtsied, and Blake humbly bowed.**

** "So good to see four lovely young ladies bring some class to this smut programming," Deadpool said.**

** "Why thank you Deadpool," Weiss said.**

** "I have to admit, I was nervous coming here," Blake admitted, "But when Ruby told us about this and said it was for charity, we couldn't refuse."**

** "My sis has always had a big heart," Yang said nudging Ruby's arm.**

** Ruby grinned and asked, "So, what exactly are we doing this for Mr. Deadpool?"**

** Wade waved her off and said, "Oh please, 'Mr.' Deadpool was my father, call me Deadpool, or the Merc with the Mouth, or the Regenerating Degenerate, or…"**

** "Just get to the point," Weiss huffed impatiently.**

** "Oh right, you see, there's this sick kid who asked for you four to come on the show before he died and did something for him." The four girls said "Oh" and felt honored to do anything for a sick kid.**

** "And what does he want us to do?" Yang asked.**

** Deadpool snaps his fingers and a bunch of robots come out from all nooks and crannies of the studio, changing their arms into guns or blades. "He wants you to fight a small army of robots for his amusement."**

** The RWBY's pull out their weapons in defense and Weiss asked, "What kind of sick kid would ask for something like that?"**

** "His name is Wadey Wilson," the RWBY'S look at Deadpool funny, "I-it's me, I'm Wadey Wilson, I want you to fight for my amusement."**

** "Yeah we kinda figured," Ruby said looking at the robots.**

** "Oh God this is the train heist all over again," Blake muttered.**

** "And that's not all," Deadpool said as he pressed a button and speakers were lowered from the ceiling. A microphone drops into his hand, "You'll be doing it to the musical styling's of your truly."**

** "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"! Team RWBY yelled at once.**

** Deadpool laughs but then sounds serious, "I'm not fucking kidding. And the song I used, I changed some of the lyrics a bit, but overall it's the same and it actually kinda fits with what you guys got going on." He presses a button, starting the song as three whistles blared.**

** Yang immediately recognized the song right before the instrumental intro to "Ninja Rap" began and screamed, "Oh my God I love this song"!**

** "YANG"! The others yelled.**

** "Yeah you might want to get ready. These bots are programmed to attack once I start singing."**

** The RWBY's gripped their weapons and charged as Deadpool began to sing.**

_**Yo! It's the mean machine, gonna rock the town without being seen. Have you ever seen a Huntress get down?**_

_**Slammin and Jammin to the new swing sound. Yeah, everybody let's move, Deadpool's here with the new Jack groove. Gonna rock and roll the place with the power of the Huntress RWBY base.**_

_**Iceman, but it's not Drake playin, devastate the show while the RWBYs are sayin:**_

_**RWBY, RWBY Rap (x3) Go, go, go, go**_

_**Go RWBY**_

_**Go RWBY**_

_**Go! (x4) Go, Go, Go, Go**_

** Ruby was hacking apart the machines with her scythe while firing at others after taking cover.**

** Weiss launched some in the air with ice spikes or with her glyphs while Yang shot at them with Ember Cecilia.**

** Blake was speeding past the machines while beheading them with Gambol Shroud, all while thinking what she's going to Deadpool when she and the others are done.**

_**Lyrics, fill in the gap, drop that bass and get the RWBY rap. Feel it, if you know how I flirts, give it up, for the heroes in skirts, just flowin, smooth with the power. Kickin' it up, hour after hour**_

_**Cause in this life there's only one winner. You better aim straight so you can hit the center. In it to win it with a team of four, team RWBY that you gotta adore.**_

_**RWBY, RWBY Rap (x3) Go, go, go, go**_

_**Go RWBY**_

_**Go RWBY**_

_**Go! (x4) Go, Go, Go, Go**_

** Ruby and Blake were taking cover behind a barricade of Deadpool's set furniture (his desk and sofa left over from the time he parodied Conan O'Brian) as the robots chipped away at them with their machine guns. But Weiss and Yang came running up to them from the side and started smashing them, giving the others the cover they needed to jump out and attack.**

_**Villains, you'd better run and hide, because one day you might not slide. Choose your weapon but don't slip, Deadpool's in control with the flex of a sword grip.**_

_**Rockin the crowd the way it should be rocked with the Miami drop you like a lot. Hittin like a RWBY girl, when the bass checks in you'd better check the level. The power of the Huntress is strong, fightin' off crooks until they're all cold gone.**_

_**RWBY, RWBY Rap (x3) Go, go, go, go**_

_**GO RWBY**_

_**GO RWBY**_

_**GO! (x4) Go; Go, Go, Go (x2)**_

**"Aw screw it"! Deadpool yelled as he teleported at each RWBY member and threw them off the stage. With the mike in one hand and alternating between a gun and sword with the other, Deadpool began finishing off the other machines.**

_**Deadpool, Deadpool Rap (x3)**_

_**GO DEADPOOL**_

_**GO DEADPOOL**_

_**GO! (x4) Go, go, go, go**_

**There was only one robot left as Deadpool pointed his gun and blew its head off, "**_**Out with a gunshot baby."**_** Deadpool dropped the mike (total mike drop) and for the rest of the instrumental ending, he either did the Gangnam style or break danced while swinging his swords around. When the song ended and he stopped swinging around on the floor, he looked up to see team RWBY looking down at him angrily. He laughed nervously and said, "Well Death, my eternal snookum's, I'm coming for a visit." And for the next ten minutes, team RWBY did unspeakable things to Deadpool, things that this writer cannot write about, despite this being M rated. Let's just say Weiss did things involving her weapon that are left unsaid.**

** After having their fun, team RWBY exits the studio and gather round. "Is he going to be alright?" Ruby asked.**

** "Ah he'll be fine," Yang said, "After all he has a healing factor! I still liked that song though."**

** "Meh, I preferred Vanilla Ice's version," Weiss admitted.**

** "Why, because you like TMNT or his name has 'Ice' in it?" Blake asked.**

** Weiss blushed and said, "Shut-Up," not specifically meaning either one, or both.**

** "Deadpool's no Weird Al, but he sure is weird"! Yang exclaimed as the others groaned and walked away.**

** Inside the Studio, Deadpool finally regained consciousness after several minutes and shot up. "Oh those loveable scamps, I could just kiss them." He looked at Bob who gave him a weird face. "Or I could wait till they're of age. That's our show folks, hoped you enjoyed our homage to TMNT. Oh, and for the spoiler, the next arc is called **_**Poltergeist **_**and it's a filler arc involving a strange, new OC villain of Scam Man's creation. Since its filler, it won't take long before we see each other again. Well, not see, but enjoy each other's company. Maybe not that either, but only to the ladies who read this (like any chick reads this crap). Anyway, goodbye, **_**sayonara**_**, and TMNT Forever"! **


	8. Chapter 8

**IN MEMORIAM**

_**RWBY/Marvel Studios**_

** Deadpool stood on his stage wearing a tuxedo over his usual outfit with his swords sheathed over the tux. His hands were clasped together behind his back. "Ladies and Gentlemen," he began, "I know this may be hard to belief, but I'm about to start this show off a little seriously." The audience begins to laugh at the audacity of Deadpool being serious until they stopped abruptly when the Merc with the Mouth shot his guns in the air. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M BEING SERIOUS FOR A CHANGE"! The audience stops and lets their host continue. "In the evening of August 11****th****, 2014, one of the funniest men to ever grace the silver screen passed away. And no, it wasn't me getting killed for the zillionth time. I'm talking about Robin Williams, the voice of Genie of the Fucking Lamp in the animated film **_**Aladdin.**_** Sure he was in plenty of memorable films like **_**Good Will Hunting, Jumangi, Hook,**_** and so many more, but if you were someone like Scam Man who grew up in the 90's and 00's, then he will always be Genie (also, he never saw **_**Good Will Hunting**_**). Now usually whenever a celebrity dies, two more follow after (it's either me or Chuck Norris who kills them, we take turns), and this was no exception. I mean no disrespect, but fuck those other guys; Robin Williams was the real tragedy here.**

** I mean it's sad to learn that this actor you've looked at in a positive light and who brought joy too many people was battling depression for years. It's a shame that he died of autoerotic asphyxiation."**

** "Uh, Deadpool," Bob interjects, "It was just regular old asphyxiation, he didn't choke himself for pleasure."**

** "Oh right thank you Bob, I sometimes get those two mixed up." Someone in the audience laughed and Deadpool shot him in the head. "IS IT FUNNY NOW ASSHOLE?! HUH?! Punk bitch. Sorry for that outburst folks, but I will kill anyone who makes fun of a man who names his kid after a videogame character (that's no joke he really did that. He has a daughter named Zelda, which is ballin). For people who think that's ridiculous, remember that some woman named her son D'Brickashaw Ferguson and he is now a football player. This goes to show you folks, if you name your kid something strange, they'll likely become famous." Deadpool exhales and says, "Alright, let's just get to the Q&A."**

** "First question comes from Autissy to the Grizzy, and he asks where Peter Parker's at and will we see a visiting Spider-Man or Spider-Woman. That is an excellent question, and Scam Man has been thinking about that. A part of him wants to bring in the little nerd, but another says no. I mean, with Peter, that just alludes he'll get spider powers one day, and if that's the case, Scam Man might as well have done this thing with Parker from the beginning. As for other Spider-Men, I assume you're referring to a Spider-Verse like crossover huh? Well for now, Scam Man is sticking to his RWBY/Marvelverse, but anything can happen in the future. And with Peter, if he wants to introduce him, he'd probably have to do it right."**

** "Up next is DeLorion (Back to the Future humor), and he asks if the Iron Spider armor will ever appear and if the Avengers will properly kick butt. Now Scam Man doesn't want me to say too much about this, but I will say stay tuned, especially when the next two parter arc starts up. And I mean 'stay tuned' to both questions."**

** "Now my Master Chief friend SPARTAN-626 asks who my favorite turtle is and my reaction to Penny being a robot after complementing on me spitting rhymes. There's no debate here, Leonardo is my fav turtle solely for using two katanna. As for Penny, no offense dude, but I think everyone called that one back in Volume 1. I mean her speech patterns sounded obvious and she was overly emotional because she couldn't properly gauge her emotions. And I think firing green lasers and swords with strings attached coming out of her back was a dead giveaway. Interesting fact, I read a comment somewhere that she may be based on Pinocchio which I find very cool, and sad because that makes me think of Disney, Disney makes me think of **_**Aladdin**_**, and **_**Aladdin**_** makes me think of…" Deadpool breaks down in a sob for several minutes. He gets back up and continues, "…Anyway, I bet her "father" is a Geppeto like character and I wonder if she has a Jiminy Cricket-esq friend? Oh wait, maybe Ruby is Penny's Jiminy Cricket (she's certainly small enough and innocent enough for the job). In conclusion, it looks like Penny is the VISION of the future (take the hint you stupid pricks)."**

** "Dario Soto inquires about Gabriel Stone, the young tough from the dystopian future, if he'll be going to the past to fix everything. Have you been reading Scam Man's mind (I only ask because that's where he keeps his ideas. Yeah that's right, there are no rough drafts, and everything you've read so far came straight from his fucked up brain with no middle man)? All that stuff about Gabriel will be addressed towards the end of book 2, for now, keep your telepathic pie hole shut."**

** "Now we did receive another question from a guest, something about banging Sailor Moon girls, but I drowned that out after reading what he wrote next. He added that Deathstroke is better than me and then had the cajones to laugh," the audience "OOOHED" and Deadpool teleported off stage, only to reappear with an arrow in each hand. "So fuck stain, if your so butt hurt about Deathstroke, maybe I can make you look like him! Yeah that's right, I'll stab you in the fucking eye, and hell, maybe I'll take out the other eye! That way you can be double the Deathstroke fan (or a Daredevil fan whatever)! And after that, I'll shove those eyeball arrows right up your ass to make you **_**really**_** butt hurt for Slade Wilson! Some of you are asking what question you're talking about, well, it didn't load on the site for some reason, but Scam Man did receive it in his Yahoo Mail inbox. It will probably find its way on their eventually, but you all know my thoughts on it now."**

** "Now folks…I'm sorry, I just can't do it." Deadpool drops on his knees and starts crying, "I can't go on, it's just too soon. I'm sorry folks, but my opening monologue was so over powering, that I can't go on with the show." He sniffs and adds, "So, I'll give you a spoiler, and while Scam Man is posting chapters, maybe I can recover from the tragedy of Robin Williams' death." He screams to the heavens, "WHY GOD?! WHY NOT ME?"!**

** He recovers and begins, "Anyway folks, in the next arc called **_**Guardians**_**, some major shit involving Spider-Man, mutants, and aliens are going down, sooooooo have fun with that."**

** He starts crying and Bob comes out to comfort him. "Why Bob? Why couldn't Williams seek help? Why did he give up?"**

** "Well Deadpool," Bob begins, "I heard Mr. Williams was developing the earlier stages of Parkinson's disease. Perhaps the combination of his depression, some of his projects not panning out, and knowing what Parkinson's does to someone, he just didn't want to deal with it all at once. And we have to believe that despite his decision to leave this world of his own accord, he's in a better place."**

** "That was beautiful Bob," Deadpool looks to the sky and adds, "Here that Genie, you're free at last! God all mighty you are free at last"!**


End file.
